Bootlegger Ham

My Cousin sent this to me the other day. She cut it out from the Charlottetown news paper; "The Guardian".
Yes Folks, this is where I am from...a place that has a bootlegger reunion.
Most people from the Island read this and said,"only in PEI". Really though, no matter where you are from or live, every town has something like this. The difference with this, however, is I bet this entire reunion was planned through the "Bootlegger Committee" at the Charlottetown Detox Centre.
Can you just imagine the crowd of people that would be at this swanky event? I wonder what you would wear to an event like this? I'm thinking something VERY tight, like jeans that were so tight they give you the best "camel toe" and the "muffin tin" effect. Just to ensure you get lucky.
And people ask me if I would ever move back. Soon...real soon. (Before December 2ND 2007 anyway, there is NO WAY I'm missing the 3rd annual reunion)

Pickled Rack Of Ham

What's your favorite smell? Is it Kosher Dill Pickles? What?!? NO? It's not?!?! Well, its not mine either! But some people would be surprised at that answer. Some people as in my Mike...
Sundays are "our" day. Its the one day in the week that is for us. Neither of us work that day, so its spent doing things around the city, like going to the market, shopping, and just hanging out. Its also the night we actually go to bed at the same time-usually. Last sunday, I went into bed a little earlier then himself. He came in about 20 minutes later. I heard him getting ready, brushing his teeth, washing his face, etc...then I heard him in the kitchen, rattling around.
Eventually he gets into bed and I turn over to get a cuddle. Suddenly I am PUNCHED IN THE FACE WITH THE STENCH OF KOSHER DILLS!!!
Who the fuck eats 2 kosher dills AFTER brushing their teeth and BEFORE getting into bed!!!! HOLY LORD!!! What a whiffy fucker he can be!
On to another completly diffrent subject now. As some of you may know, I work as travel agent (or travel "consultant" as we say, to make us feel more important) I get really strange requests all the time. But today, this guy topped them all!
He first asked me what part of the plane is the best to sit if it crashes. What the hell kind of question is that? The answer is, No part of the plane! Then he asked me what kind of food Air Canada would be serving on his flight from Toronto to Vancouver. I told him that it would be food to purchase and free snacks. He seemed shocked by my answer. Now, if he was an 80 year old man who hasn't flown in over 20 years, I would understand, but he was 28 and told me yesterday that he fly's all the time.
He asked me if he was willing to pay, could he have a special meal for his flight. I asked him if he meant something like a diabetic meal? Yes, exactly, he said. I was 99% sure the answer was no, but I called Air Canada anyway. As my call was in Q I said to him; So diabetic, right? No, he said. A RACK OF LAMB. I almost shit my pants off, and started laughing.Not him though, he was stone faced. I couldn't even get my words out to the woman at Air Canada. Finally I managed to ask her. After waiting a good 30 seconds until she got her pants back on, the answer was; He will have to bring his own rack of lamb on his flight from Toronto to Vancouver. I hope with all my hope he does! I wish I had to fly to Vancouver that day too!

Ham Brawl

I CANNOT believe what happened to me on the subway tonight while I was on my way home from work!
I got on and sat down on a forward facing seat. I noticed a VERY FAT Chinese woman sitting at the end of the car facing me. She had a lot bags with her.
I was sitting there minding my own business and I notice this woman coming towards me with all her bags. I had my ipod on and I had the music pretty loud so I was kinda distracted by that. This woman was putting her "stuff" on the seat behind me.
-Then suddenly I am thrown forward and I feel a pain in my neck!! It took me a second to realize what just happened....
This woman has just elbowed me in the neck with full force!!! I was so shocked and a bit confused...
I turned around and she was acting like NOTHING had just happened. So I thought that perhaps she has so much cushioning on her arms she didn't feel herself nearly knock me out...so I sat back and she started nudging me with her elbow on my back!!
Still in shock, I turned around and and grabbed her arm and shoved it, and told her to F the hell off!!! And she still acted like nothing was happening.
I was feeling such a range of emotions, I didn't know if I was going to start to cry, or ground and pound this CRAAAAZY freak of nature!
Then!!!!!!! she went to elbow me AGAIN!!!!!! But I was leaning forward and she missed...then thankfully a man came to my rescue and told the woman to get the hell of the train before he called security!! She understood that! She got off right away!!
This is by far one of the most strangest things to have ever happen to me! And WHY ME? Did she deliberately pick me out, out of EVERYONE on the train to come and elbow me in the neck!?!?!?!

I felt so violated and strangely embarrassed. What is the best way to react in situations like that? And when everyone on the subway is staring at you?!
Who the hell does something like that? And this woman was old...well, mom old...like in her 50's!!! WHAT A SERIOUS PAIN IN THE NECK!

Lazy Ham

I don't know how well this blog thing is going. I'm finding it hard to think of stuff to write about.
This is my third attempt, maybe its because I'm really tired, I just woke-up after passing out on the couch. Only after eating Chinese food I got delivered-I was to lazy to make dinner. Actually I don't know if I was to lazy to make dinner or if I was to lazy to do the dishes in order to make dinner...both I guess.

Speaking of doing the dishes, how do you "do" the dishes? Do you have a methodical way of doing them? Glasses first, then plates then the really gross stuff, like the pots and pans? Or do you do them like my Mike and just pile them in the sink as they come, then pile them on the drying rack and have a competition with yourself to see how high you can pile them before something crashes and breaks one of your favourite wine glasses...but still feel like it was all worth because that pile you just made was a new record?
I hate doing the dishes more then any other house hold chore-HATE IT. But when I do them, I do them good. But I'd rather put up with my Mike's dish piling self competition, then do them myself.

I was late for work today because when my alarm went off ( I use my mobile for my alarm) I was in that half awake, half asleep, really stupid state and I was dreaming that my phone was actually a Caramilk bar that was making really nice music. So I put in on the floor and went back to sleep for another 45 minutes....this is my excuse for staying lazy for the day.

I'm going to bed now, without doing the dishes.

Its me.

Hello Hams!
My name is Moxy Ness. I don't know what to say just yet, my boyfriend talked me into doing this. I am a little afraid of writing a blog because I don't want to bore people to tears, I promise it will get better.
I'm trying to butter him up so he will buy me these shoes for Christmas. I NEED these shoes, they are Christian Louboutins for those of you who didn't know.
I've wanted them for 3 years now. I ALMOST bought them at Brown Thomas in Dublin when we were there on vacation 3 years ago. But it was the beginning of our stay and I was afraid we would be completely out of funds by the next week if I bought them, 550 euros was not an expense we budgeted for! I have dreamed of them ever since, so many outfits were just not complete without these shoes. Alas! We are going to New York this New Year's and finally, my Christian Louboutins will be where they are meant to be...on MY feet!
It is hard to justify spending about the same amount on shoes as we do on rent per month, but do you know how good I'll look taking the rent cheque down to the rental office?